Canada's Finally Going to Hell

Newsflash: We were awoken to great trembling to the north. Frantic phone calls came in that people could not reach relatives living in Canada. It seems unthinkable, but satellite photos have proven it; Canada has been sucked down into Hell.
If it were only true. Canada is at least one step ahead of the US in the slope to Anarchy and beyond, Hell. The Liberal Party of Canada (at least they name their parties something that tell you what they are) introduced a flurry of policies to be voted on by party leadership. These bills are to become the platform of their party next year. These policies have been created much in the same way caucuses elect who will run for president here, by local groups (strong Liberal Party followers) voting what to send to the leaders.
But what are they arguing for? They are liberal (hence the name) but how much so? Let me tell you in 3 easy steps. 1. They want to lower the legal age for anal intercourse to 14 years old! Homosexuals in the US listen good! If you want to butt rape a teenager, go to Canada! It could be legal by next year. Of course Canada is screwed up already since the legal age of consent for heterosexual sex is 14. 14! What the ----! You get someone pregnant and you can't even drive to the store to get formula or diapers! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should do it. Is that so difficult to understand? I knew guys who I doubted their balls dropped until they were 16 or so. Those Canadians, those warped Canadians.
2. They want to allow heroin safe houses in the city where it is legal to do heroin. They call it the "National Safe Injection Site" plan for inner cities. Now, here in America, we might make "safe houses" for one purpose; to run a sting operation and get some scumbags off the street and get them help so they have a chance to turn their life around. But Canada is too relativist. "If they want to do heroin, at least we can give them clean needles." You give clean needles to the people so they can destroy themselves. "Oh but they won't spread AIDS!" Who cares, if you make it so easy to shoot up, they are already dead.
3. They want to legalize marijuana and to clear the criminal record of everyone who has been arrested on prior marijuana possessions since 1923 (the year it became illegal). This sounds so much like San Francisco. . . but I digress. Hippies, the scum of the earth. Of all the things to worry about (like their health care system crumbling before their eyes, skyrocketing taxes (usually to bail out their medical system), stagnate productivity, high unemployment (worse than the US, eh?)) marijuana legalization seems rather useless. I mean it does add to the unemployment rate and cut down on productivity, seriously do you want to work at a sawmill with a stoned saw operator?
"God keep our land glorious and free!" This is a quote from the Canadian national anthem (yes they mention God in their anthem and liberals are trying to remove it there as well). It seems the "glorious" lands are still "free." That is "free" to go to hell.